......By 无地自由

老赵就这么走了,原以为自己会很平静,想不到还是难以忘怀.

当血与火已变成歌声写在十五年后回首六四

本来只是在睡觉前最后上网看看新闻,可是却看到了赵紫阳去世的消息,看在一个
网页中又一次听到了赵在1989年5月18日在天安门广场上那辛酸的'我们老了,无所
谓了,你们还年轻'的最后道白.一时间那血与火的一幕幕旧事又那样清晰的浮现眼
前恍若昨天又好象遥远的已经是人类史前的传说.还是忍不住想敲些文字记录一下
自己现在的心情.于是找出blood on square,在那舒缓的轻吟下敲着敲着.

十五年后的今天再想起六四,心情复杂的难以用语言描述.十五年啊,时间真的会慢
慢的改变一切,只留下一抹慈爱的目光从天国俯看人世看着这迷茫红尘中一个个短
暂的如朝露夕花一样的小小的生灵们在不知错的如漆黑夜中在睡梦中努力奔跑着
中一点点取悦和伤害着彼此.

十五年过去了,江山固然形容全非,人事更是早已参商陆离.一个在那个春天处在风
浪尖头的老人在渡过了十五个软禁的岁月之后就这样平淡无声的走了,走了,走到
天国去享受他应得的休息和宁静.宁静,是的,我相信那可敬的老人的心里是宁静的,
毕竟他当年做出的是无怨无悔的选择.而这份宁静便是命运对他最好的报答了.

我们确实还年轻,我们还再苦苦的迷茫中如夜疾行.

毫无疑问的是,这些年来我确实变了很多很多.尤其是最近这些年受胡适的影响对
于血与火的革命已经从本能上有了一种深深的厌倦感,无论是什么样的革命,即使
是我现在还比较欣赏的Amercian Revolution. 事实上,我现在对于任何革命都又一种
莫名其妙的怀疑感.对于六四,对于那无数次令我热泪盈眶的六四,心底也时常会有
个声音募然想起: What if we were wrong? 就象那年在中国,我把自己的计算机的屏保
设成一句话,确切的讲是半句话: 若热血可换来自由.......

是的, 若热血可换来自由.......

十几年前的我喜欢的是不自由勿宁死,喜欢的是如果我认为我是对的,我愿意用生
命去捍卫我的认为我是对的.,十年后的我,想到更多的只是这半句话, 若热血可换来
自由.......

若热血可换来自由, 我不知道我会做什么,真的,我不知道.真的不知道.也许, 若热血
可换来自由,我,我什么都不做.

自由真的值得用生命和鲜血去交换吗? What if 我们用生命和鲜血换到不是真正的
自由? What if we were wrong? What if 只要等上几年只要多一点点的耐心只要在黑暗
中开心的度过黎明前最后的黑暗,阳光就会如神给我们的承诺一样自自然然的到
来,革命早已成功同志勿需努力?

我不知道我是老了还是成熟了,就象我不知道自己当年是做对了还是做错了一样.

十五年前的,在枪声的韵律中用胆怯的心为中国而哭泣,十五年后的我,坐在美丽如
画的温哥华的小小书桌前为自己和家人的生存与奢华而刻苦努力.我不知道,哪一
个我更象真正的我更符合真正的人性.

那么多的不知道,那么那么多的不知道,就象林语堂八十自述中说的那样,一团矛盾.
是的,人生也许本来就是一团矛盾.

我唯一知道的是,当昔日的血与火已经变成了吉它伴奏下那悠扬而伤感的歌声,我
是快乐的,尽管歌声还是伤感,但是,我是快乐的.就让我们再听一遍这悠扬的歌声吧,
总会有那么一天,再谈起六四,我们可以平静的如同陈述一个古远的传说就说我们
说起自己那古远的青春说起那年花开时那青涩的少年迷梦谈起那如痴如醉的初吻
谈起那纯的令人心痛的上课时候传着纸条的年少的你我红尘心事.虽然我们还会在
六月四日点起一棵棵或红或纯白的蜡烛,但是,那不再是为了祭奠六四,而只是为了
祭奠我们自己的青春.

青春晃然如梦,我美丽在自己的心中.

jonathan

2005/01/17

BLOOD IS ON THE SQUARE

words and music by Phillip Morgan

A song was heard in China
in the city of Beijing.
In the spring of 1989
you could hear the people sing.
And it was the song of freedom
that was ringing in the square,
the world could feel the passion of
the people gathered there.
Oh children, blood is on the square.

For many nights and many days,
waiting in the square.
"To build a better nation"
was the song that echoed there.
"For we are China's children,
we love our native land,
for brotherhood and freedom
we are joining hand in hand."
Oh children, blood is on the square.

Then came the People's army
with trucks and tanks and guns.
The government was frightened
of their daughters and their sons.
But in the square was courage and
a vision true and fair,
the Army of the People would not harm
the young ones there.
Oh children, blood is on the square.

On June the 3rd in China,
in the spring of '89,
an order came from high above
and passed on down the line.
The soldiers opened fire,
young people bled and died,
the blood of thousands on the square
that lies can never hide.
Oh children, blood is on the square.

For four more days of fury
the people faced the guns.
How many thousands slaughtered
when their grisly work was done?
they quickly burned the bodies
to hide their coward's shame,
but blood is thick upon their hands and
darkness on their names.
Oh children, blood is on the square.

There are tears that flow in China
for her children that are gone.
There is fear and there is hiding,
for the killing still goes on.
And the iron hand of terror can
buy silence for today,
but the blood that lies upon the square
cannot be washed away.
Oh children, blood is on the square.